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Married to a Survivor.

 
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jmmngtm



Joined: 25 Jan 2011
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:54 pm    Post subject: Married to a Survivor.

I have been married to a wonderful man for 15 years, together for 17 total. about a year into our relationship, he confided in me some of what had happened as a child. His mother was abusive to him (broke his arm, pushed him down stairs) After he told me what he did, he asked if i wanted to stay involved with him. I told him of course I did, and i was a good listener if he ever needed to talk again. We were married about a year later and had our first child not long after that. I have a hard time dealing with his emotional episodes, but i go and i listen to him, i comfort him. we cry together. He is nothing that his mother would tell him he would be. I have to remind him of that. Every time he has one of his emotional episodes, i learn more about how his mother was, and everytime it makes me sick.

My husband has an explosive temper, that I have seen him learn to control better and better every year. Every marriage has its bumps and slips. And we have our arguments, and sometimes they get alittle loud, but they have gotten better. He is doing so much better, but after all this time, and talk there is more that he has to say but cant remember the incidents.

I want everyone to know my story. DONT GIVE UP ON THE ONE YOU LOVE.... THEY NEED YOU....THEY MAY NOT REALIZE IT OR ADMIT IT BUT THEY DO.

my husband told me that he thought i was going to RUN when he told me what had happened to him, because he was "damaged" My response to him....I LOVE YOU... i will help you in anyway i can. You dont need to deal with this ALONE.. YOUR NOT ALONE ANYMORE...

I would do ANYTHING for this man, as i beleive he would for me.

No one should be givin up on. EVER!
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DianaJoy
Site Admin


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 489

PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:15 am    Post subject:

It's lovely that your spouse has been able to heal and grow, and to have your support to do so :)
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adeline_anne



Joined: 15 Feb 2011
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:24 am    Post subject:

Jmmngtm,

Thank you for sharing. This gives me hope for the man in my life. I hope that we can get to a point where he can feel that comfort with me to share what he has been through. I have given him that encourgement, to not judge, listen, and love him regardless of anything he could tell me. I'm just waiting for those doors to open...
Wish you well.
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sunshinegirl



Joined: 19 Jan 2011
Posts: 283

PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 6:24 am    Post subject:

aww thats so nice that you came here and put that thread up jmmgtn.
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fielden10910



Joined: 14 Mar 2012
Posts: 1
Location: United States

PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 3:34 pm    Post subject:

I am in the opposite side of your situation. I am a survivor of years of abuse by my father, and I am married to the most wonderful man. He knew about my abuse and issues when we got married, but my PTSD symptoms have become more severe since our wedding. My PTSD was re-triggered by the fighting within my family about not inviting my father to the wedding.

Unfortunately, a year and a half later, he is at his wits end. He sees no end in sight and is ready to walk away. He has lost all hope that our marriage can be the fun and loving relationship it used to be.

Do any of you had advice for me on how to best support my husband and help him see that there is hope? I'm starting treatment for my PTSD tomorrow, but I need him to know that I can get better and that our relationship can be happy and healthy.
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sunshinegirl



Joined: 19 Jan 2011
Posts: 283

PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 7:31 pm    Post subject:

I wouldnt take this as advice, its more like my experiences: I had to consider my healing as a priority to my relationship. I didn't want to give up on myself in order to keep a relationship together. I had to put myself first even if that meant loosing everything, I know now this was the right decision but I didn't at the time and that scared me.
If your husband is open to seeking support for himself - then I would recommend a counsellor - just for him not a couples counsellor.
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me



Joined: 10 May 2012
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2012 1:03 am    Post subject:

you need to explain to your husband that you are getting help now and trying your best but things take time, if he truly loves you he will support you in this.
I am very lucky in that partner is very supportive. I cracked completely the other week and he spent an hour on the kitchen floor with me listening to me tell some of the stories and cry.
It is important to show them there is hope.
Good luck darling.
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neversure



Joined: 04 Jun 2013
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 5:49 pm    Post subject:

I feel like I am in a similar place. My husband insists that he loves me and will never leave but I can tell he is missing the person I used to be. In some of his attempts to help, he seems to make things a little worse. That sounds unfair, but I feel like when I need to express myself and get it all out he tries to subdue me before things escalate. I feel like that just makes the next episode worse.I feel like I am the one whose had to figure out "what is wrong with me" all in an effort to not lose him-a person who sometimes comes across as too lazy to deal with how "difficult" I am. I know we have a great connection but I am so confused sometimes.
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wanttobefree



Joined: 30 Aug 2013
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:30 am    Post subject:

Thank you for sharing this. Maybe I will show this to my husband. I'm with the ladies who have husbands that are somewhat less supportive. I know he tries, but I think he either doesn't know what to do or just forgets.
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