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Help supporting Survivor

 
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BigRed



Joined: 21 Jul 2013
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 2:35 am    Post subject: Help supporting Survivor

Hi Everyone, I am new to this site and came across it in my search for information to help a family member who is a survivor of CSA.

My mother was abused by her father and brother as a child/adolescent. This has had far reaching impacts on our family and in turn my life also. Growing up has been tough but I know mum has done the very best she could with what she was given in life.

Currently my grandfather is in hospital and by the end of the day will pass away. This has created all sorts of conflicting emotions in all of us, but I am concerned for my mum. I don't know what she is going through and I can't begin to understand what she must be feeling. She has always been isolated from her family and never ever have her claims of abuse been validated. She is still 'the black sheep' of the family and made out to be 'crazy'. This is possibly the most frustrating thing for me. I know she has not lied about it and over the years we have discussed her abuse and she has confided in me.

Sorry this is starting to seem long. I suppose my questions is, how can I help her through this. I know she is feeling so many things, grief, anger, shame etc. How do I help her. What is normal for her to be going through at the moment? How can I help her realise that whatever she is feeling is normal and ok? She plans on seeing a psychologist asap but cannot get a referral for a few days from her doctor.
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Bricks



Joined: 16 May 2013
Posts: 695

PostPosted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 12:29 am    Post subject:

It's wonderful to see how much you care.

The one thing that came to my mind right away is that all you need to do is BE.

You believe her, you care about how she feels, and it sounds like you've conveyed that to her already. That is a priceless gift.

This is the kind of thing that isn't fixed, it's endured and survived. She will feel what she feels.

Be who you are, and keep doing what you've been doing.
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